she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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