I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
