Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
