what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
