All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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