He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
