And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
