Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
okay pat passed out under dana's car
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
