Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
pray to the hookup gods
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
