There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
