Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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