thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
