Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
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Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
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I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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