Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
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I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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