turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
