He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
