I'm going to jail i love you
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
