I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
