i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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