Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize