6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
