The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
