If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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