is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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