Banned from zoo.
Again?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
