Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
