i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
