I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
