The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
