He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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