I smell stomach acid.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
