I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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