if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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