fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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