I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
