Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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