I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
