Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
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she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
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Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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