evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
