In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
