she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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