I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
