it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
