last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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