I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
