How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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