a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
