I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
