i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Randomize
