i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
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I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
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It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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