Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
