Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize