Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
