My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
