Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
