I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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