When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
