I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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