apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
