I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
