Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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