There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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