chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize