I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
