i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
